Recap via Instagram

Here are some images from the last two weeks via the only journal writing tool I have been using, Instagram.  Do you Instagram?  It's taken up the void of less blogging.  I haven't blogged as much as I would have liked lately but life has been good...

Twila continues to go through different phases and has started saying phrases for the first time like "You gotta be kidding me!" Yes, the eye roll is included as well as a lifting of her head and arms. {It's quite adorable.} We went to the farm and while there took our usual photos with the corn.  This time during our shoot she turned to the corn, told it she loved it, then gave it smooches.  I bet that corn grew a little taller that day. 

We also did a good amount of shopping with a mask.  While in her mask it's proper to call her by her Bat Girl name, "Bat Girl".  Were you expecting something else??   She has no idea who Bat Girl is and only knows Bat Man through her friend at school, he's pretty obsessed with Bat Man.  Anyways, it's a good idea to call her by name or be prepared for a little attitude.

Speaking of Batman, the left shot was taken while on a walk on the way to see the Dark Knight. {Lots of dramatic skies lately!}  On the right, a cloud from the first rain shower in what seems like an eternity.  Summer's been pretty brutal this year!

Went to a flea market I have never been to before.  I liked it!  Many of the sellers weren't too concerned with making their booth look presentable so it made for a lot of fun photos.  Here we have "Books and Hillbillies" and "Coffee and Music with the Twins".  I also picked up a Polaroid Land Camera for $5!

For the last couple of weeks I have been pretty obsessed with Battlestar Galactica, it's awesome.

Aaaannnd, I have had a horrible cough for the last 10 weeks... YES, TEN, T-E-N!  It's pretty horrible when the bouts of coughing come on including some throwing up here and there. {Sorry but I'm just sayin', bad cough...}  I went to the hospital for "something odd" on my x-ray and am relieved to know everything is cool.  It's only an abnormal bronchial tube because I have been coughing for ten weeks.  Go figure!

Guess what Twila inherited???  A lifetime worth of dolls!  {Seriously, a life time.  In case you are wondering a lifetime worth of dolls fits into, wonder no more!  They squeeze into dozens and dozens of large boxes and tupperwares.  They have filled an entire guest room.}  I used to be quite scared of these kinds of dolls.  I've been given a new perspective but more on that another time.  Really though, we don't plan on taking up a new hobby.  We are hoping for the collection to either A) Be given to a museum until Twila can decide what she wants to do with it or B) Sell the collection , or much of it, and put Twila through college.  It's a special thing and has frightened more than one of our friends.  I've been taking photos and like I said, more on that later.  Consider yourself warned.

The family also went on some walks downtown.  This shot of the doorknob was perfect for the letter K {K is for Key}.  I love how Urban Muser and my shots worked out this week.

I've had a lot of fun with my phone lately.  The top two images were done in-phone and then posted on Instagram. 

Ever since I bought myself this Brownie Target Six-16 for my birthday a few weeks ago, I have been on a bit of an Ebay spree...it's sick actually.  But I am very excited to have added a few new beauties to my collection.  It's been a long time since I have had the desire to shoot film again and I am happy to have just received some rolls of 620, 120, and my first Impossible Project packets!  Doug gave me some fun gifts from Photojojo for my birthday.  This photo of Twila was taken with one of my new iPhone lenses, the fish eye lens!

So, it's been a great few weeks.  Not a lot of time on the computer, not a lot of time to shoot but lots of treats to keep life very happy and flowing along.  I'm hoping once this cough goes away I will have vigor again to get out and shoot.

I also read something I quite liked this last week:

 "Today everything exists to end in a photograph."

-Susan Sontag

Pretty, isn't that?  Have a great week and happy shooting!

Four years ago today / Keep on keeping on

Four years ago today I said good-bye to my father and hello to my daughter. 

Four years ago today I think I felt every human emotion possible...and all in the same moment.

Four years ago today I felt love in a new way, a precious way, a treasured way.

Four years ago feels a lot like today.

And now, a post on how grief evolves, and life's lessons.  This post reminds me of when I started this blog... I started this blog in 2006 while on a trip to Chile.  I had just found out that my dad was diagnosed with Myelodysplasia {MDS}, a rare blood disease.  So, this space was a nice place to let my friends and family abroad know how my dad was doing and for me to journal.  When he was first diagnosed he was given 3-6 months and he ended up living about three years longer than that.   So we were given the special opportunity of becoming better family, better friends than we would have ever become otherwise.  It was a special time to say the least.  But this time of year, this day in particular, my father is even more in my mind.  I would classify the following as a sad sounding post.  I am sad but it's a strange cope-y kind of sad.  I'm good.  I'm together.  I just am lamenting that my dad isn't sitting next to me reading his book or whistling along to some bossa nova in the background.  Just so you know, I'm about to get all personal on you in case you want to click in another direction.  

*******

On this day four years ago we said good-bye to each other.  Actually, on this day I said good bye to you and you listened... It was the previous evening when we both said all we had to say.  Wow, one simple moment to sum up how I felt about you my entire life...one small, fleeting moment to listen to what you wanted to tell me before you couldn't any longer.  I've been thinking about that day and our last farewell.  That moment is still one of the best moments of my life and it's still the saddest.  I'm really grateful that in that moment life allowed us to have each other's company; life allowed us to savor those brief minutes enough to last the rest of my life.  I'm thankful that our conversation gave you peace.  I'm thankful for everything about that moment.

So, dad, another year has gone by and it, as I suspected, doesn't feel like that much time has passed.  I still miss you more and more everyday and there are still moments I go to reach for a phone to share something I know would make you smile.  It still makes me cringe that I didn't know I was pregnant that day and could have let you know about your precious granddaughter.  It's funny but I see parts of you in her...she's funny.  I can imagine the both of you laughing at and with each other and making each other smile.  She even calls her father by the name you always wanted me to call you by but didn't and I didn't even tell her about "Papi".  She does ask about you every now and then and mentions you whenever she sees your photo.  She wishes that she got to meet you too.  You continue to show me life lesson's even though you aren't with me anymore...but I guess a part of you will always be a part of me and because of that, a part of her.  It doesn't make me miss you any less though...in fact, I think it makes me miss you more.


This whole grieving thing just keeps on keeping on, doesn't it?  And it seems like even though grief is different for everyone it has its definite stages and cycles that everyone experiences.  It's odd too that on one day in particular grief can be more powerful different than on every other day of the year.  Odd but true...and today is that day.  I'm okay...just rolling through the stages today.  In an ironic turn I spent the whole morning talking to doctors and sitting in a exam room.  When I was alone I thought about you and what was, about our time in the hospital, imagining the last days of your life and of that phone call, of our last good-bye.

I love you dad...wherever you are.

*****

Thanks in advance to anyone who wanted to comment for this post...but I turned off my comments.  I really do like to hear from my Internet and "real" friends and family but this is something I just wanted to get off of my chest and something I felt I may want to read again one day four years from now.  Reading the two posts from 4 years ago was special, I had forgotten parts of those moments, something I never thought would happen.  Who knew, blogging!  But I felt like for some reason, today,  I just wanted to write for myself.  Thanks and treasure your loved ones...  especially enjoy those simple, forgettable moments.

The Sweet Spot{s}

She's figured me out.  She's three and she's already figured out how to manipulate me...my sweet spot.  The other day we were out and about and she didn't want to get back in the car...

"C'mon Twila, time to go."
"Nooooo"
"Yep.  Let's do this."
"Naaa...  Let's take pictures instead!" 

I stop for a split second.  In the same moment I think, "Huh, that's a good idea!", "I don't know...do we have enough time?" , "I had been wanting to shoot her in this spot and take some shots of the buildings."

"Okay, sure...great!"  Then in that very next second I realize what she's done.  Oooooo, she's good.  I had just been very covertly manipulated.  In that moment however I was totally cool with it.  Actually, I'm still okay with it.  Time and a place.  Plus, I think it's good to allow some minor experiments in this, her new chapter of human development. 

She has done it a couple more times since the above instance- used photography to her favor. 

Sometimes we shoot, sometimes we don't.  I now think it's not purely manipulation-experimentation on her part.  I think that she likes having her photo shot.  She's started to play with it, have fun, get into a moment whether it be an honest portrait or something fun and more like play time.  We like to act silly and now I get to document those times.  I'm treasuring every second.

She discovered this great spot {below} on her own.  We went into the backyard of a museum in town, the KMA.  Scattered about are many human figures with a glowing bar across their chests.  I was browsing around, looking at a sculpture, and turned around to ask her a question but she had already run off into the distance and found a friend sitting on a bench.  This is how I found her... checking out every angle of the sitting man.

"Mama!  Look!  Tell me to give you sassy!"

"Give me sassy!"

See?  Fun...these are the days and moments I am more than happy to stop and remember - It really doesn't matter whether I am coerced or if I just fall into a moment with her, our moment.  Yes, either way, pure gold.

They know me well.  I never hear the words, "No more pictures", "Agaaaiiin???", or "C'mon!  We gotta go!"  Doug follows Twila's direction, let's me know I have "x" many more minutes for photos, and will even take a special route somewhere and allow for a few extra minutes to pull over and take photos along the way without so much as a sigh.  Instead I get back in the car and he asks if I got "it"/"a good one".  Funny, I never really asked him to do this.  I think he figured out that giving me these little moments makes me happy and it really is that simple for him.  Isn't that special?

How lucky am I??  I feel really lucky I'm not stuck with one of those people who tsks and guffaws whenever a camera is pulled out... it's a fortunate thing.  Really, same goes for my friends.  I'm lucky to have patient people around who don't mind posing every now and then or pausing for a second or two for a shot here and there... and there.

{Thanks people, you know who you are!  I wonder if you all know how much I appreciate you and your patient encouragement...  I do, just so you know.} 

By the way, he is smiling in this photo.  To some he may look bored but I think in his own way he knows this is a special moment - looking at some art, listening to some friends play music, spending time dancing with his daughter...  When I showed him this finished photo as it was going up on the wall he laughed then smiled and said, "Awesome".  It may be my favorite photo of them so far. 

Here's wishing you some special, simple, photograph-able moments!

Phonography exhibit this weekend!

If you are around Knoxville this month please stop by and visit the Phonography Show to benefit TribeOne.

I'm excited to be a part of the show, my first mobile photography show!  I'm not sure which of my images are in the show but I do know that all works are exhibited and sold on mounted 5x5 blocks, that all work is mobile photography, and that all sales are donated to the TribeOne organization.  The show will be up all month long but the opening is this Friday.  It sounds like the First Friday art walk is a great one this month, lots to see.  I hope you can make this show one of your stops! 

I will also be working the Market Square Farmer's Market on Saturday from 9-2.  I'll be selling my cards, prints, lamps, multi-dimensional work, and canvases.  Hope to see you there!